Oftentimes, as parents, we try and shield our teens from our worries or anxieties to help protect them from further stress. However, by being honest about your own feelings and concerns about the COVID-19 pandemic, you are creating a space in your home for open communication. Further, you are modeling for your teen that you are moving forward and adapting to the current changes in lifestyle, despite any concerns you may have about it all.
The reality is that teens are likely to have heard a lot about COVID-19. They are old enough to watch the news or go online, and they’ve probably helped you prepare for the possible quarantine by helping with younger siblings or helping to shop for supplies. By refraining from talking openly with your teen about your perspective, you are cutting off a line of communication that is useful in times of high stress and possibly inducing more stress due to the unknown.
You can let your teen know how you feel without inducing more panic, such as by expressing your feelings about your worries or emotions in a rational way. One way to balance this is by making clear and concise statements and following up with how you plan to cope. For example, you can say, “I am very worried about keeping our family business throughout all of this, but we will continue to work hard to keep things as stable for the family as we can.” Parents who are anxious about the uncertainty can say something like, “I’m very anxious about everything we do not know, but I am trying to stay informed by getting information from credible sources and taking care of my mental health.”
Supporting teens through the coronavirus pandemic is a new challenge for all of us, but by showing your teen that they are not alone in their emotions, you can help to stay connected during an uncertain time.
Many of us may be struggling to cope with the uncertainty and the changes that the COVID-19 pandemic brought to us all. Teenagers who were planning for proms, graduations, study abroad experiences, and memories with their friends, are now losing many of these milestones that they work so hard to achieve. A future with endless opportunities is now uncertain, and many teens will need help to navigate their emotions throughout it all. The more you emerge as someone who they can talk to freely and openly, the more connected you will be throughout it all.
One way to provide your teen with the space to communicate openly and honestly is to ask them open-ended questions about how they are coping with it all. HRI has many conversation starters in our Parenting Teens toolkits that can help spark engaging discussions with your teens, as well as give you both an opportunity to get to know one another better.
An important part of open communication is attentive listening. HRI provides guidance on how to listen actively to others at this link. In addition to attentive listening, it is important to refrain from overly emotional responses to the things they say. As parents of a teenager, your poker face is crucial to establishing open and honest communication. Attending to your nonverbal and verbal responses when communicating with your teen will ensure that they feel comfortable being honest about their thoughts and feelings.
Giving your teen the space to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings will help them stay emotionally balanced and healthy and will give both of you an opportunity to connect. However, it is important to be aware of how you respond to ensure that you do not inadvertently close off lines of communication.
This may sound counterintuitive for parents wanting to spend more time with their teens during social distancing. However, helping your teen stay in touch with their friends shows them that you are supportive of the things that are important to them and helps them maintain some stability when things are changing every day.
For many teens, the COVID-19 pandemic has led to them giving up many milestones, such as prom, graduation, or time spent learning and socializing at school with their friends and teachers. This can lead to increased feelings of stress and anxiety. One of the ways that parents can help is by keeping them connected to their friends throughout these challenging times.
Since most connections can only occur virtually, it’s a great time to be more lenient with technology guidelines in your home. You can even encourage teens to earn more time by working in the yard or helping a younger sibling with their at-home learning. Let them use their extra screen time to organize a group video chat with several friends or watch a movie with a friend using a shared app. Keep in mind that many teens stay in touch with their games through online or video games as well.
Helping your teen stay connected to their social circles while social distancing will strengthen the bond you both share and will help your teen cope during an uncertain time.
Showing your teen that you trust them with added responsibility will help to strengthen your relationship and will help you both connect during a time of crisis.
With your guidance and support, your teen may be able to handle a lot more than you would think. Consider letting them help you with a work project, such as helping you prepare slides for a presentation or letting them create a graphic for a project. This gives them a chance to try a real-life skill, while also feeling like they are contributing during a time of crisis.
Pre-teens or younger teens can help young siblings with their at-home learning, such as by reading to them and asking questions, or by helping them with a task. Older teens can help maintain a food budget or be responsible for cooking dinner 1-2 nights per week.
One way to further connect is to ask your teen if they have any ideas on where they can help support the family during an uncertain time. By asking them their thoughts, your teen will see that their opinion is important to you – a sure way to help you both feel connected during this time.
During a time of chaos, teens can rise to the occasion by supporting their family with added responsibilities. Not only can this improve your relationship with your teen, it can also reduce the family’s stress during a chaotic time.
Many parents of teenagers find that their teens normally have very busy schedules and that
time spent with their parents is not always the top priority. Being home with your teen gives
you plenty of chances to do things together, to strengthen your relationship, and to connect
with one another.
Having fun with your teenager is a great way to connect with them. Some ideas for having fun
together include playing games together, such as a video game or a board game or learning a
skill together. Perhaps your teen can even teach you something new, such as a technological
skill or something they have learned in school. Bonding through teaching, especially when
teens have the opportunity to teach their parents, is a meaningful way for parents and teens to
connect.
Another way to connect with your teen, especially during social distancing, is by exercising and
being active. Whether you do yoga together or take a virtual kickboxing class, exercise is one of
the most beneficial ways of bonding with someone you love because it also provides many
emotional benefits, such as reduced stress and anxiety and decreased rates of depression.
Engaging in artistic activities, such as building a vision board or painting, is another way to
connect with your teen. Not only are these fun activities a way to keep busy while social
distancing, it gives parents the opportunity to spend relaxed time with their teens, which is a
relief from our daily hectic routines.
By using this extra time that we have to connect with your teen, you are setting the tone for your relationship. You may even find that you continue these activities long after social
distancing ends.
The Bonding Benefits of Family Fitness. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-
bonding-benefits-of-family-fitness-1257087
Emotional Benefits of Exercise. Retrieved from
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/infographics/emotional-benefits-exercise-feel-good-go4life
Doing our part to help stop the spread of coronavirus means practicing social distancing and self-isolation, and while this is important, it’s also really stressful, especially as a parent. As parents, you may be balancing working from home, child care, homeschooling, and self-care, all while managing both your own and your children’s anxieties. With stress levels at an all time high, it can be difficult to find patience and keep your cool as a parent, especially if your kids are having a hard time adjusting to the new normal. Know that you are not in this alone, and there are steps you can take to help cope with the stress and anxiety! Try the following tips to manage stress and keep your calm with your kids during the coronavirus pandemic.
Take deep, calming breaths. Breathing is a powerful tool that can help us regulate our emotions and regain composure when we are experiencing intense feelings. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset with your kids, try taking deep, calming breaths before you react. Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, counting to four each time. You can even try closing your eyes if that feels comfortable for you. By using your breath to slow down and take a moment before responding, you can have a healthier, more constructive interaction with your kids!
Find the root of your emotions. When you feel like you are losing your cool and getting angry with your kids, it’s important to look deeper and determine if there are other factors contributing to what you are feeling, especially now with all that is happening with COVID-19. Are you tired, stressed, anxious, or upset about the current circumstances with the coronavirus pandemic? If so, know that this is a normal reaction and give yourself some grace and self-compassion. Take a moment to pause and recognize that these are difficult times and they may be contributing to what you are feeling. This can help you gain control of your emotional response and come up with a more effective way to communicate and handle stressful situations with your kids.
Remember that your kids are going through a challenging time, and their behaviors may be a response to the stress, anxiety, and fear of COVID-19. An important part of parenting is being aware of your kids’ experiences and trying to look at things through their eyes. Keep in mind that behaviors that may cause feelings of frustration and anger for you as a parent may be a result of the current changes and challenges of COVID-19. Your kids may be having a hard time with the transition to social distancing and self-isolation, as well as experiencing feelings of sadness and anxiety due their sense of normalcy being uprooted and the uncertainty of this pandemic. Give your children space to express their emotions and remind yourself that this is difficult for everyone. When you approach difficult situations and behaviors with your kids from a perspective of curiosity and understanding, you can find compassion and empathy, leading to more effective and constructive outcomes.
Pull your kids close and hug them often. When you’re feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with your kids and don’t know what to do, try asking them if you can give them a hug. Hugging your kids during moments where you feel like you are losing your composure can have a calming effect, reminding you and them of the loving bond you share. Focusing on physical and emotional connection not only helps you calm down, but it also shows your children that they are loved and cared for, which is especially important during moments of social distancing and social isolation.
Create consistency and stability. An important part of regaining composure as a parent during social distancing is to set yourself up for success ahead of time. By creating consistency and stability in your kids’ lives during this time of uncertainty and instability, you can avoid potentially stressful situations. A great way to establish consistency is to create a weekly routine and set clear rules and expectations. Developing predetermined rules and expectations can help you feel more prepared to handle challenging moments as a parent, leading to more constructive outcomes with your children.
Make self care a priority. Another key element in being prepared for difficult parenting moments during COVID-19 is establishing social support and engaging in self-care. When your needs are being met, you will have more patience and compassion for your kids and be less likely to lose your composure during stressful or frustrating situations. We encourage you to engage in a self-care activity at least once a week and to connect virtually with friends and family who provide support and comfort during this difficult time.
Kindness is more important than ever. Be kind to yourself and your loved ones as you navigate the challenges of the coronavirus pandemic. How do you show kindness while social distancing?
Coronavirus has led to some pretty big changes in our everyday lives, and it’s normal for us to be feeling confused, overwhelmed, and uncertain. These changes may be especially confusing and difficult for kids. It’s important for us as adults to help the kids in our lives understand what is going on and to support them through the feelings they’re having related to COVID-19.
Talking to kids about the coronavirus may feel like a daunting task when we’re also experiencing uncertainty and instability; however, it’s an essential part of supporting their emotional well-being during this challenging time. Try using the following tips to help guide you through this conversation with your kids!
Provide developmentally appropriate and factual information. Withholding information about coronavirus leaves kids to their imaginations to try and understand what is going on, increasing uncertainty, fear, and stress. While kids don’t necessarily need to know all of the details, it’s important to talk to them in a developmentally appropriate way. When providing information about COVID-19, be certain to do research and get fact-based information before starting the conversation. You have the ability and responsibility to filter the information in a way that your child can understand without overwhelming them.
Start with what your kid(s) already know. A great place to start a conversation about coronavirus is by asking your kids what they already know. This gives you an idea of how your child is understanding and processing COVID-19, and it provides an opportunity to correct any misinformation.
Be open to questions. Your kids will probably have lots of questions, so it’s important to let them know that you are there to answer any questions they may have. Try your best to answer the questions clearly, honestly, and simply. And remember, it’s okay if you don’t have all of the answers. Just be honest and let your kids know that even if you don’t have the answers to all of their questions, you will be there to get through this together!
Speak in a way that is calming and reassuring. With all of the worry and panic that can stem from the uncertainty of coronavirus, it’s important to be a stable and calming presence in your child’s life. When talking to them about coronavirus, try your best to use a soft and calm tone and provide reassurance.
Give your child specific tasks that can help them feel safe and in control. Another great way to help kids feel more secure and reassured during this challenging time is by talking about what they can do to stay safe, such as washing their hands for 20 seconds with soap and water before eating, after using the bathroom, and after touching commonly used surfaces.
Give your child space to process their emotions. We’re all experiencing a lot of emotions related to the coronavirus and the many changes that come with it. Let your kids know that it is normal to have feelings of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty, and give them space to talk about these feelings.
Check out these great resources aimed at providing factual information about coronavirus to kids!
Tips for Live-In Couples to Strengthen Their Relationship While Social Distancing
By Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed., Program Coordinator of the Healthy Relationships Initiative
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought the term “social distancing” into everyday conversation and has changed the way most of us communicate and interact with our loved ones. Despite the fact that many of us are spending more time with our spouses or live-in partners, you may have found that social distancing has impacted that relationship. The added stress and uncertainty of this pandemic means that this time is not always spent intentionally or positively, which can lead to conflict in your relationship. In this blog post, we will provide you with strategies to strengthen your relationship while social distancing with your live-in partner.
Remember that this is a new situation for everyone and lean into your partner. We are all figuring out what to do and how to navigate the current circumstances. With things changing daily, there are added levels of stress for us all, but couples in healthy relationships support each other and build each other up at all times, especially the most challenging. Lean into your partner to help get through these times together. Communicate your feelings, ask for what you need, and give your partner the space to do the same. This is a time for clear, honest, and regular communication with one another. HRI provides conversation starters for couples that may be useful in sparking up discussions that strengthen the relationship.
Spend time working on general relationship skills. All relationships have their challenges and strengths and these can be exacerbated during times of crisis. By spending time working on building general relationship skills, such as positive communication and conflict resolution, you can strengthen your relationship now, as well as beyond the pandemic. Couples who practice basic relationship skills are more equipped and likely to apply these skills during challenging times. HRI provides tip sheets and reflection activities to help couples work through conflict and practice healthy relationship skills together. Don’t assume or expect that this will happen – work for it and be intentional about practicing these skills.
Give each other (and yourself) grace and patience. We all need a little grace when navigating uncharted territory. We can’t expect ourselves or anyone to handle everything perfectly, especially when things are changing daily. One of the best things you can do for all of your relationships, but especially your relationship with your live-in partner, is to give lots and lots of grace and practice patience during this time. All of us are experiencing tremendous changes to the way we live life and we would all benefit from some time and space to process those changes. If you are struggling to have patience in your relationship, practice taking deep breaths before responding in heated discussions, give yourself space or a time out when you need it, and practice attentive listening when your partner speaks. Paying extra attention to your nonverbals when communicating is crucial, and avoiding negative nonverbals such as rolling your eyes, will help to keep communication positive and productive and will make sure everyone feels heard and respected.
Make time for positive connections. It may seem silly to think about making time for your partner when you are likely spending more time together than you have in the past, but just because we find ourselves at home more does not necessarily mean that we are connecting and bonding more with our partner. While you may not be able to have normal date nights or other special time together, you can still be creative about connecting with one another. Some ideas to set aside your worries and intentionally connect include: taking a walk together without devices and without talking about the pandemic; cooking a new meal together; reading a book and discussing it together, or working together on an art project such as a vision board. Even if you only spend 20 minutes per day focusing on your relationship, it is time well-spent that will pay off later!
Partner relationships can be a source of tremendous joy and also great stress. During uncertain times and social distancing, our relationships benefit from being even more intentional about connecting and communicating with our live-in partners and spouses. By practicing these strategies now, your relationship will be prepared to handle the challenging times we are all facing and will be strong enough to conquer whatever comes your way.
Homeschooling Tips for Families with Special Needs
Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed., Program Coordinator of the Healthy Relationships Initiative
The coronavirus pandemic has left families juggling a number of priorities, including many parents who are now homeschooling their children. Parents of children with special needs may find themselves overwhelmed, while their children may struggle to adapt to their changing schedules. This situation is a learning experience for everyone, and families with special needs may benefit from trying the following tips.
Read books of interest to your child and ask creative questions to spark engaging discussions. Use this time as an opportunity to make reading fun for your child. Oftentimes, students do not get to choose the books they read at school, as many are assigned based on their reading level or on topics being addressed in the curriculum. Ask your child what books they would like to read and read them together. Doing this every day is a worthwhile and educational activity, whether your child reads to you or you read to them. Ask questions throughout the story, such as “what do you think will happen next?” or “How do you think the character felt when that happened?” These questions will help spark engaging discussions and get your child excited about reading. Reading with your child is a great way to connect with them, while also serving as a calming activity if your child becomes stressed or anxious at home.
Set up a routine that is similar to their daily classroom routine. We are all struggling to adjust to our schedule changes as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, and children with special needs may need more support to adapt to changes. By setting up a routine that is similar to their daily classroom routine, you can help your child adapt to the at-home routine, while setting clear expectations for learning. Incorporate all aspects of the day, including academic time, play and rest, and eating times to help minimize negative behaviors and help your child know what to expect from each day. For additional guidance on helping children adjust to changed routines, the Autism Society developed a handy toolkit for parents.
Use visual guides to help your child adapt to their new normal. Children with special needs benefit from hearing and seeing information in different ways. By using images and words to illustrate different parts of the day, you will help your child anticipate changes in their day. This can help minimize disruptive behaviors and keep your homeschooling environment calm and productive. Visual guides can also come in handy for setting other expectations, such when to do chores or how much screen time they’ll have that day. Placing visual schedules in a place where they are visible to the entire family will help maintain consistency and keep everyone on the same page.
Incorporating these strategies into your at-home learning routine will help your child adjust to their new schedule, minimize negative behaviors, and enhance connection and bonding amongst the entire family.
