Healthy Relationships Initiative
“We are all so busy chasing the extraordinary that we forget to stop and be grateful for the ordinary.” – Brené Brown
When we learn to find gratitude in the the day-to-day things, we can learn to find the joy in the ordinary part of living. We encourage you to take some time today and admire the beauty of the simple things, such as the joy we get from the laugh of a child or from the tender touch of a spouse or partner.
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
There are many resources designed to help young children understand and fight against racism. When having these conversations with children, it can be especially helpful to use resources such as picture books, videos, or other media to facilitate the discussion.
Children learn best when they engage with their learning, and using stories and books can be an extremely effective way to engage them in discussions about racism and racial injustice. Check out this list of children’s books by PBS Kids to help you get started: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/childrens-books-about-race-and-diversity
When using resources to talk to children about racism, it is important to preview and vet the material, as well as think ahead about how you will use it to engage your child in discussion.
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
Children know when adults are not being completely truthful, and while they do not need to know everything, it’s important to be as honest as you can be when talking about important and sensitive topics, particularly racism and racial injustice.
When engaging in conversations about racism with young children, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know” or “I’ll need to learn more about that,” if they bring up a question or issue that you are unsure of or need more time to think about before responding.
Sometimes, it’s best to revisit a conversation later once you have had time to become comfortable and knowledgeable about the topic. Common Sense Media has a great resource on how to talk to kids about difficult subjects that while not specifically addressing racism, has many strategies that can help parents navigate sensitive discussions with children of all ages.
Being honest with children also means being genuine about our emotions or thoughts. When sharing, it is important to use words that children can understand and to refrain from scaring or overwhelming them. It’s okay to let your child know you’re concerned or stressed about something, but they probably don’t need to see you visibly upset over it.
If you’re unsure about what to share or how much to share, practice sharing with an adult first, such as your spouse or a family member, to help you make sure that the conversation is appropriate for your child and to help you choose the right words to express yourself.
Remember that when we share our emotions with our children, we teach them that it’s okay to express how we feel and we help them learn to empathize with and care about the feelings of others.
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
Parents of young children know that they see and hear more than we think they do. For this reason, it can be helpful to start by asking your child questions to understand their perspective. Parents will want to know if their children have experienced or witnessed racism and racial injustices firsthand in order to respond appropriately in the conversation. Depending on your child’s perspective, they may ask different questions or want to discuss certain issues.
Rather than introducing a conversation with your own talking points, try starting the discussion by asking your child questions such as, “What do you know about this?”, or, “What would you like to know about what you saw on TV or heard so-and-so say?”
Sometimes, as parents, the most educational experiences we can have are when we sit and listen to our children’s feelings and thoughts. Check out this HRI resource on attentive listening to help you ensure that you are actively listening when they answer your questions: https://healthyrelationshipsinitiative.org/model-active-listening/.
When we allow our children the space to answer and ask questions without judgment, we can have meaningful and impactful discussions about many topics, especially racism and how to stop it. Further, children who engage in these discussions grow up to be confident and empathetic adults that have the potential to change their world for the better.
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
Parents know that sometimes, the lessons that young children remember the most are the ones that begin from their own questioning or experiences.
However, as parents, we can’t always wait for perfect moments to talk with our children, especially when the topic is one as crucial and urgent as racism and racial injustice. Therefore, finding opportunities to talk about racism in an authentic way is crucial to raising children that become adults who understand and fight injustices of all kinds.
If your child sees an interaction amongst adults that can prompt a discussion about injustices or inequality, use that moment to help your child understand what may have been done differently, or how a particular interaction can affect people differently. If they ask a poignant question about something they’ve seen or heard on TV, use that opportunity to talk about what it means in a way that is developmentally appropriate for them.
These conversations are not always easy to begin. It’s important to remember: “As parents and caregivers, we must have confidence in ourselves and in our children – that we, and they, can handle tough topics and tough situations.” (from PBS: https://www.pbs.org/parents/talking-about-racism)
If you’re not sure where to start or how to approach the conversation about racism with your child or children, check out the following resources:
Perhaps what is most important for parents to remember is that when they make the most of opportunities to teach young children important lessons, they are more likely to occur in a way that stays with their child long-term and impacts their future behavior.
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
Seeking to learn and understand personal biases can help parents model the behavior and actions they wish to see in their own children.
A PBS resource for parents on talking to children about race states that being aware of your own bias is crucial as “really, what children pay attention to is adult behavior. They notice your body language. And they listen to what is being said around them.” (White, 2020). Check out the PBS resource on How to Talk to Children Authentically About Racism here!
We know that children learn from what adults do. A good place to start when talking with young children about racism is to understand your own biases and how they can impact your own behavior. These insights help to stay intentional about parenting and proactive about teaching young children to fight against injustices of all forms.
“What I realize now in hindsight is that there is a natural ebb and flow to friendships. There are times you think there’s nothing left between you, that you’ve hit the bottom, but the special ones survive, find ways of restoring themselves.” – Colette McBeth in The Telegraph, July 2013
Adult friendships are complex and ever-changing. Friendships that are built on respect and communication are special and tend to find ways to survive the test of time.
For more on adult friendships, check out the following HRI resources:
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
One way that parents can keep their teenagers healthy and safe this summer is to help them take on an important role or task within the household. Not only can this promote responsibility and accountability within their teens, it can help increase their sense of self-worth and confidence.
When teenagers are granted responsibilities, they are more likely to feel as if their parents trust them and rely on them. This added trust from an adult can give teens more confidence in themselves and in their abilities. It is important to consider the age of your teenager when thinking about responsibilities that they can take on and to refrain from overloading them with too many tasks.
Starting small and asking your teenager for their input will help ensure that your teenager does not get overwhelmed and that you do not create a situation that adds stress onto the family. Some responsibilities that teenagers can take on include helping their younger siblings with tasks, doing the grocery shopping, cooking one meal per week, or helping with yard work.
Strengthen your relationship with your teen today by showing them that you trust them with an important task or responsibility.
We’re excited to release our new HRI E-Book: Self-Care for Parents & Caregivers!
Click below to download the free PDF with resources, insights, & tips for incorporating self-care into your parenting or caregiving routines!
Click here to download the HRI E-Book: Self Care for Parents & Caregivers!
Developed by HRI Program Coordinator, Camila Dos Santos, M.Ed.
One of the bigger myths about teenagers is that they don’t want to spend time with their parents. Oftentimes, miscommunications and/or lack of time gets in the way of bonding with your teen, especially in one-on-one settings. But as plans change and vacations get postponed, this summer provides a unique opportunity for parents to bond with their teens.
Whether there are activities that you’ve always done together, such as shopping or exercising, or whether you’d like to try something new, such as building something together, these moments provide meaningful opportunities to get to know your teen better, to connect over conversation, and importantly, to have fun together.
Consider allowing your teenager to pick the activity or surprise them by doing something they’ve always wanted to do. The more excited and invested they are in the activity, the more likely it is that the experience will be positive for the both of you.
When parents and teenagers spend time together, it fosters a relationship with open and healthy communication. When you add fun to the mix, it allows for creating meaningful memories together that set the foundation for a strong parent/teen relationship down the road.