Tip 1 for Burned Out Moms

All moms may face feelings of burnout from time to time. It’s part of the territory of the intensity of the demands of parenting.

Helpguide.org defines burnout as “a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.”

As joyful as parenting can be, it certainly can bring excessive and prolonged stress with it! To move beyond burnout, you’ll need more than just a few quick moments of relaxation. This week, we’ll share tips for when moms or primary caregivers feel burnout.

Our first tip is to take your experiences seriously.

Feelings of burnout may pass on their own, but often intentional efforts are needed to move beyond burnout. If you’re starting to feel burned out, give yourself a reasonable timeline to see if the feelings will pass on their own, such as a week or two.

If you reach your deadline and haven’t noticed an improvement, consider what additional steps you may need to take to more intentionally address these feelings.

From previous HRI blog post, When Moms Feel Burnout.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – from To Love and Be Loved

Partners in healthy relationships know that perfection is not the goal. Rather, they look at weaknesses or conflict in the relationship as an opportunity to grow.

Supporting a Loved One With An Addiction: Tip 4

When a loved one is facing an addiction, the emotional whirlwind can be intense. It’s normal for people in this situation to move rapidly between different emotions in response to changing circumstances.

There may be times of hopelessness, when it feels like the loved one will never change. At other times, hope shines through, such as if the loved one makes a promise to change or seems to be making efforts to stop abusing substances.

Holding onto hope when a loved one is struggling with addiction is a challenging task, especially because it’s not possible to know what the future holds. However, hope can take many forms in the context of a loved one facing an addiction.

Supporting a Loved One With An Addiction: Tip 3

It is important to figure out the behaviors we are willing to live with and the ones we aren’t. Then, it is crucial to communicate those with our loved one. These are not threats or ultimatums. This is not about begging, bargaining, or yelling, nor are they attempts to change their behavior.

Boundaries are about taking care of ourselves and refusing to live in situations where we feel hopeless, helpless, or afraid. With practice, we learn to detach from addictive behaviors and allow natural consequences.

While setting boundaries can feel counterintuitive when supporting someone with an addiction, it can be exactly what is needed to maintain and to rebuild the relationship over time.

From HRI blog post, When Help Isn’t What They Want.

Supporting a Loved One With An Addiction: Tip 2

Oftentimes, we think of enabling behaviors as obvious actions, but in the context of addiction, it is much more complicated than that.

Enabling behaviors take lots of different forms. When we justify someone’s drinking by telling ourselves or others that they’re just going through a tough time or that work is hard right now, we are enabling.

When we control the lives of our loved ones by cancelling social engagements or pouring out their alcohol to “help” them stop, we are enabling.

Not only is understanding enabling important, so is being honest with yourself if you see enabling tendencies in your own behavior. Making strides to change enabling tendencies in yourself will only help your loved one in the long run.

This post was adapted from: When Helping is Hurting: Understanding Enabling.

Supporting a Loved One With An Addiction: Tip 1

Supporting a loved one with an addiction is a difficult and complex journey, but with the proper tools and support system in place, it can be done in a healthy and safe way. To celebrate National Recovery Month, we will share tips this week on how to support a loved on with an addiction.

An essential part of supporting a friend or family member in their recovery process is learning about addiction, the recovery process itself, and what your role in the recovery process should look like. Having this important information can help you understand how to best support your loved one and help them have a lasting recovery.

A few ways to become educated about addiction and the recovery process include:

Asking professionals from the treatment center your friend/family member attended for information and advice.
Participating in a family program, such as the ones offered by Fellowship Hall.
Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s website for information and educational resources about addiction and recovery.

From previous HRI blog post, Learning About the Recovery Process.

I’d like to be the sort of person who…

“I’d like to be the kind of person that can enjoy things at that time, instead of having to go back in my head and enjoy them.” – David Foster Wallace

Being in the moment in our day-to-day lives is hard, especially when life pulls us in so many directions. When we are intentional about being mindful, we are more likely to enjoy the small moments of joy that life brings and less likely to let the chaos of living take over our thoughts & emotions.

Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.

Parents contribute significantly to the positive development of their children’s self-esteem. Finding a healthy balance of high expectations with support and encouragement can help to raise confident children who believe in their abilities.

New HRI E-Book: Setting Family Boundaries & Avoiding Parentification

Our newest resource: Setting Family Boundaries & Avoiding Parentification

Busy schedules and never-ending family commitments sometimes means that the older kids in the family take on responsibilities and tasks to help support the entire family. While kids can take on minor tasks to help around the house, it’s important to set boundaries as a parent to avoid the Parentification of children. Parentification occurs when children take on adult responsibilities within the home, both logistically, but also emotionally, such as providing comfort to parents and adults during difficult times.

We’ve worked together with Bringing Out the Best at UNC Greensboro to develop a new resource to help families set boundaries and avoid the Parentification of young children and teens. It is possible to find a balance that works for the entire family without adding unnecessary pressure on younger family members. Download our free E-Book today and learn more!

Download the free HRI E-Book: Setting Family Boundaries & Avoiding Parentification

Keeping Love Alive: Tip 4

Asking each other open-ended questions is a great way to stay connected with your partner. Some possible questions include:

What is the best part about being together?
Why do you love me?
What do you need from me?
When do you feel most loved by me?

No matter how long you and your partner have been together, relationships are a lifelong process of learning about yourself and your partner.

Adopted from HRI Toolkit: Keeping Love Alive.