5 Tips for Building a Healthy Teen Relationship

As a teen, you may be starting to date for the first time in your life, or maybe you’ve been in romantic relationships before, but now you’re starting to build more serious relationships. You may be feeling excited, hopeful, and maybe even a little nervous or scared. It’s normal to have lots of mixed emotions during this new and exciting time in your life! When you start dating, it’s important to know what to look for in a partner and a relationship, as well as what you can do to make sure that your relationship is as happy, healthy, and safe as possible. HRI has created 5 tips to help you build a healthy teen relationship, as you start dating for the first time or start your first serious relationship!

1. Aim for Mutual Respect

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect! Mutual respect means that you and your partner respect each other for who you are and honor one another’s boundaries. It also means that you treat each other with kindness and compassion through your actions and words. When you speak to your partner, do so with kind and respectful words, even if you are in an argument. When you are mindful about how you treat one another, you will be able to build a healthier and stronger relationship over time!

2. Aim for fairness & equality

Healthy relationships involve give and take from both people. Both people should feel supported, valued, and heard, and neither partner should have more power or control than the other. 

It’s important for you and your partner to strive for fairness and equality in your relationship. This may look like taking turns choosing what movie to watch or where to go for dinner. It also looks like hanging out with both partners’ friends and families, instead of spending all of your time with one person’s friends/family. When you focus on promoting fairness and equality in your relationship, you and your partner will have a strong foundation moving forward!

3. Establish honesty & trust

Honesty and trust go hand in hand in healthy relationships. When you and your partner are open and honest with one another, your trust in one another will grow. Trusting each other means that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt and believe that they have your best interests at heart. Trust looks like giving one another space to celebrate your individuality and independence and to spend time with other important people in your lives. Trust also looks like believing that your partner is being truthful with you and refraining from checking up on them or making assumptions when spending time apart. 

Remember, it takes time to build trust, so be intentional about taking steps to trust and be trustworthy in your relationship.

4. Practice healthy communication

Healthy communication is key to a healthy relationship! In healthy relationships both people feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly without fear of how the other person will react. Both people also try their best to use active listening when their significant other is talking. This means listening with the intention of understanding, asking clarifying questions if you don’t understand something, and refraining from thinking of your next point or a comeback when the other person is talking. Using active listening builds understanding and connection, and can help couples avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Another integral part of healthy communication is being able to resolve conflict in a healthy way. When we’re feeling angry or upset with our significant other, it can be really easy to lose our cool and yell or lash out. However, it’s important to try our best to keep from doing this, because it is hurtful to the other person and can damage our relationships. Recognize when you’re feeling upset and are having a hard time regulating your emotions. Instead of letting your emotions take control of your actions, pause and tell your partner that you need to take a break before talking about an issue further. This will allow you to calm down and revisit the topic when you are calmer and better able to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. 

5. Support one another, while leaving room for independence & individuality

In healthy relationships, couples support one another, while also giving each other space to be independent. This means being there for each other to celebrate successes and provide support during difficult moments, as well as supporting one another’s right to time alone, independence, and individual relationships with friends and families. 

Healthy couples support each other’s passions and dreams and give one another time and space to pursue individual interests and hobbies. It’s important to maintain your individuality within your relationship!

For more information about building healthy relationships as a teen, check out our Healthy Relationships for Teens blog series!

Show Appreciation for Your Partner!

 

Showing appreciation is an important part of building healthy relationships and strengthening your connection with your partner! When you notice your partner doing something kind or thoughtful for you, praise them and show gratitude for their efforts. This will communicate to them that you notice the effort they are making to connect with you and strengthen your relationship.

Stay Calm!

Big emotions can be difficult to handle as adults. Now, imagine that you are experiencing really big, challenging emotions and also don’t know how to express or communicate them quite yet. This is often what is going on for young children when they experience temper tantrums or other forms of emotional expression that can be daunting for us as adults to help them manage.

As parents or other important adults in a child’s life, it’s important for us to be a force of calm when kids are experiencing these big emotions. When we show up in a way that is calm and caring, it will be easier for us to help the kids we care about calm down and begin to talk about what is going on. On the flip side, when we respond to children’s big emotions with our own chaos, it’s likely to make the situation worse. Remember, we’re more likely to respond with kindness and compassion when we are able to regulate our own emotions!

We know that it can be hard to keep your composure during difficult parenting moments. For more information about regaining your composure and staying calm during parenting challenges, check out one of our previous blog series!

Validation Promotes Emotional Security

Validation means recognizing and accepting your loved ones’ thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You don’t have to agree or even completely understand where someone is coming from to provide validation. Instead, validation communicates to others, “I see you, hear you, and accept you.” It conveys the powerful message of “I am here for you,” providing emotional security to the other person in the relationship.

Healthy Relationships are Unique

Romantic relationships are exciting and complicated. Just like every person is unique, every relationship has its own quirks and pacing–basically its own life cycle. Maybe your relationship didn’t move through these stages in order, and that’s okay! Some couples become serious as soon as the first date finishes; some stay in the dating phase for years before making any commitments. Some relationships don’t even make it to a defining stage, but that doesn’t make them any less important! 

It’s also okay if a relationship ends. Even years-long relationships can hit insurmountable obstacles, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the relationship is unimportant or a failure; sometimes people discover they aren’t compatible as partners, and this can happen at any stage. Be kind to yourself and your partner, even if things don’t work out. Breakups happen, and respect and honesty are just as much a part of a relationship’s end as its beginning!

Healthy Relationships at Different Stages: Long-Term Relationships

Long-term relationships are wonderful; they bring a consistent source of support and affection, and provide a unique form of companionship different from other relationships. They are also a lot of work to maintain. Long-term partners are with us through major changes and life events: new jobs, lost loved ones, major illnesses, the list goes on! These situations bring with them a lot of emotions and changes–permanent and temporary–to the relationship dynamic. It’s important to be able to navigate these big commitments with healthy communication and respect. Now that you’re planning a future together, how are you working to ensure both your needs are met for careers, growth, and life goals? Are you able to navigate arguments with respect and compromise? Health in relationships doesn’t mean never disagreeing, but it does mean being able to discuss disagreements without name-calling, bringing up past arguments, or shutting each other out.

Long-term couples also share big responsibilities with one another. Sharing a house, getting married, or adopting a pet are permanent changes that don’t disappear with the end of a relationship. Have upfront and honest conversations about these commitments, and try to consider every possibility. What if one of you gets a job in a different city–will you keep the house and try long-distance, or move somewhere closer together? Discuss the finer details of the decisions as well: who will do the yard work, how much the dog will cost, how to raise the children. Long-term relationships require work and commitment, but if partners are honest and upfront with each other, they will be able to navigate any challenge with love and respect.