For most of us, conflict in relationships can be a major source of stress and frustration in our lives. However, even though relationship conflict can be stressful, it can also help us to grow if we know how to manage it effectively.
We’ve developed this Healthy Relationships Initiative (HRI) E-Book, Managing Conflict in Close Relationships, to help community members learn how to view conflict as an opportunity for growth in your relationships once a foundation of safety is established. This book offers helpful tips and strategies for navigating conflict with as much ease and as little added stress as possible!
Here are the topics you’ll find covered in this E-Book:
How to view conflict as a pathway to growth in your relationships
The importance of focusing on the process of conflict, now just the content
How to set the stage for effectively resolving conflict before it even begins
Strategies you can use to stay on track in the middle of a conflict
How to rebuild, reconnect, and move forward after conflict
Does the thought of making small talk at holiday gatherings make you uncomfortable – or even full of dread? You’re not alone!
HRI is here to help! Keep the SMALL TALK tips below in mind to help ease some of the discomforts that can come up in small talk conversations during the holiday season (and beyond!):
Start small: People often feel pressure to come up with some super-creative opening when meeting someone new. However, it’s perfectly fine to keep things simple. You can start small talk conversations with a smile and by asking, “How are you?” or another simple question like, “How has your holiday season been going so far?” Try to ease into the conversation without the added pressure to start with a masterful opening line.
Manage your emotions: It’s natural to have some uncomfortable feelings come up if small talk isn’t easy for you. Your feelings might include nervousness, loneliness, and awkwardness. Acknowledge any feelings that arise, remind yourself that they’re normal and valid feelings in uncomfortable situations, and process them in ways that feel healthy to you.
Ask questions: In small talk situations, people may feel pressure to tell a funny story or say something profound. However, one of the best ways to navigate small talk is by asking curious questions to get to know the other person a little better. You can keep your questions light and relatively surface-level. Remember that most people don’t feel comfortable sharing their deepest, darkest secrets with people they’ve just met! Here are a few questions you might consider adapting in your next small talk conversation: (1) How do you know the host of this party?; (2) Do you have any travel plans coming up that you’re excited about?; and (3) What’s your favorite holiday food to eat this time of year?
Listen closely: Whether you’ve just asked a question or the other person is sharing spontaneously, practice active listening. Even though small talk isn’t usually the time for deep, intense conversations, it is still helpful to be intentional to listen with curiosity and a goal of understanding the other person.
Look for connections: This tip can become a fun part of having small talk conversations. You might even make it a little game of it and challenge yourself to find something in common (no matter how seemingly small or insignificant!) with every person you chat with. Whether it’s a favorite food, a person you both know in common, or a shared life experience (e.g., growing up in the same town or attending the same college), chances are, you can find *something* in common with almost anyone. Here’s a tip if you’re having a hard time finding something: You can always zoom out! Maybe you both don’t have the same favorite football team, but the fact that you both have a favorite football team means that you’re both football fans. Even relatively obscure connections between you and your small talk companions can go a long way toward keeping the conversation going.
Take your time: Many small talk conversations are relatively short, although people have different preferences at events regarding how much they like to mix and mingle versus having longer conversations with just a couple of people. Whatever your preference, remember that there is a difference between a *short* conversation and a *rushed* conversation. You can make even a relatively short conversation feel more meaningful by being present, avoiding looking around the room for who you will speak with next, and giving the other person your full attention, even if just briefly.
Add a compliment: Many people appreciate when other people say kind things about them, even if some people get a bit uncomfortable when it comes to receiving compliments. When it comes to small talk, compliments can be a great way to start or end a conversation, as well as open up new topics of conversation in the middle of it. Make sure any compliments you offer are appropriate for the context of your conversation. Again, during small talk, compliments can be relatively surface-level and still have an impact. For example, you might compliment someone on a unique piece of jewelry they are wearing, or if the person with whom you’re talking did a public talk earlier in the day, then you might tell them something you found insightful in their remarks. Ending your chat with a simple compliment–such as “It was so lovely to hear your thoughts on…” or “You have such a kind spirit, and I enjoyed talking with you tonight”–can be a nice way to end your conversation on a positive note.
Link in others: As we mentioned above, people differ with how many people they like to mingle with at social events. Chances are, even if you’re the type to prefer more in-depth conversations with a smaller number of people, there will still be some mingling involved as people enter and exit conversations. As much as possible, try to welcome this type of coming and going as a way to keep your conversations fresh. You might try to help facilitate introductions with new people who join your conversation, as well as point out connections you can see between people as you make your introductions. Here’s an example of what this might look like, “Shelly, it’s so nice to meet you. I’ve been chatting with Joe here for the past few minutes, and he was sharing about the big trip to the beach he took earlier this year. Do you have a favorite vacation that you’ve taken recently?”
Keep reasonable expectations. Even with all of the tips above at your disposal, you may still never come to totally love small talk, and that is totally okay! One final way to help ease your discomfort around small talk is simply by focusing on keeping reasonable expectations about what small talk is. Some people you chat with may eventually become close friends, but even when this doesn’t happen, the time you spent talking doesn’t have to be considered a waste. Positive interactions with all kinds–even relatively light ones–can brighten up our days and help us feel more connected with the community around us. Try to focus on the positive aspects of any conversations you have, even if they never grow into deeper connections. Every exchange can brighten your day and foster a sense of belonging for you and others.
Small talk might not be everyone’s favorite part of holiday gatherings, but it doesn’t have to be a source of stress or dread. By keeping these tips in mind—starting small, managing your emotions, asking curious questions, actively listening, and looking for connections—you can approach conversations with more confidence and ease. Remember, it’s not about becoming a master conversationalist overnight; it’s about creating moments of connection, however small, that can brighten both your day and someone else’s. With a little patience and practice, small talk can become a valuable tool for fostering a sense of belonging and spreading holiday cheer.
HRI is featured in this article, Newlyweds and Couples Moving In Together – Experts’ Advice, that was published recently on Porch.com. In the article, HRI Director, Christine Murray, shares thoughts on the question of, “Which toxic, unhealthy behaviors should a couple avoid having when living together?” Check out the full post to read her and others’ expert advice!
It’s that time of the year again. Valentine’s Day. For some, it’s a day filled with excitement and hopes of joy and love, but for others it’s a dreaded day filled with unattainable expectations and reminders of painful break-ups or being single. Even if you find yourself anticipating Valentine’s day with feelings of dread and disdain, it doesn’t mean that the day can’t be reframed into something special and worthy of celebration.
We know that Valentine’s Day can be hard to navigate. Whether you’re a Valentine’s Day cynic, overcoming a recent heart-break, feeling extra single, or struggling with differing attitudes about the day with your partner, we have put together a Valentine’s Day Survival Guide to help you have a more positive experience and enjoy your Valentine’s Day!
Valentine’s Cynics
Valentine’s Day often evokes an attitude of cynicism, especially with the marketing tactics of companies hoping to capitalize on the day and the increasingly unrealistic expectations of romance and relationship perfection shown in the media. The phrase, “It’s just a Hallmark Holiday,” is all too common and exemplifies the belief that Valentine’s Day is a pointless and insincere holiday. While these reservations and feelings toward Valentine’s Day are valid and hold some truth, there is hope to turn this day into something that is uniquely special to you!
You don’t have to fall in line with the Valentine’s Day gimmicks or celebrate a day that you do not have a stake in. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about being coupled and showering a partner with romantic gestures or chocolates, flowers, and cards. Instead, it can be a time to celebrate meaningful relationships, lasting friendships, and togetherness. We encourage you to think of the people you care about and find ways to show them your appreciation and love this Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant gesture or cheesy Valentine’s cliché. It can be as simple as a kind message of gratitude that spreads love and joy into the lives of those you care about.
We hope you can let go of prior expectations and feelings of dread this Valentine’s day and find moments of joy and gratitude with the people you love!
When you’re into it, but your partner isn’t.
You may feel excitement and anticipation leading up to Valentine’s Day, with hopes of sharing romantic moments of love and affection with your partner, but what if they’re just not that into it? It can be challenging to manage mismatched expectations and find a way for both you and your partner to feel like your needs are being met.
A great place to start is by communicating why celebrating Valentine’s Day is important to you. If your partner understands the sentiment of honoring your relationship and showing gratitude and affection motivating your desire to engage in Valentine’s Day festivities, they may be more willing to reciprocate your efforts.
It is also important to honor and validate your partner’s feelings, even if you do not understand them. You can do this by listening to what they have to say and offering ways to compromise on Valentine’s Day. Maybe they don’t want to go out and celebrate in public or indulge in Valentine’s Day themed gifts. Instead, you could suggest staying in and celebrating at home with homemade gifts and/or cards.
We encourage you to keep an open mind and heart as you address your feelings about Valentine’s Day with your partner!
When your partner is into it, but you’re not.
Maybe Valentine’s Day just isn’t for you. You can’t seem to buy into the romance of an overly commercialized holiday and don’t see the value in celebrating. However, your partner loves Valentine’s Day and has been looking forward to it for quite some time. It can be difficult to know what to do when you and your partner’s expectations for Valentine’s Day don’t match up, but we have a few ideas to help you navigate the day and enjoy special moments with the person you care about!
Invite your partner to express their needs and expectations around Valentine’s Day and be open and receptive to what they say. By initiating a conversation, you and your partner can work together to plan a Valentine’s Day celebration that honors your relationship, communicates love and affection, and leaves both of you feeling happy and comfortable.
Though, love is something that should be shown and celebrated every day, it can mean a lot to your partner when you indulge in something that brings them joy and happiness, even if it is something that puts you a little outside of your comfort zone.
The Completely Single
Being single on Valentine’s Day can lead to many thoughts and feelings ranging from the dread of being alone and feeling left out to feeling pressured to find a date. However, just because you don’t have a significant other, doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate and enjoy Valentine’s Day! Being single leads to many exciting opportunities to have fun with the people you care about and celebrate friendship, laughter, and togetherness.
We have compiled a list of ideas and activities for you incorporate into you Valentine’s Day!
Make plans with friends!
Treat yourself to a day of self-care. Whether it’s getting your nails done, going on a hike, or watching a movie, celebrate yourself by doing something you enjoy!
Plan a Galentine’s Day! Get a group of friends together to celebrate the beauty of women and friendship.
Plan a movie night with your friends.
Do a Valentine’s Day gift exchange with your other single friends.
Plan a date with your best friend! This is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate your friendship and show appreciation for your best friend. Plan a night of fun activities to honor your friendship!
The Recently Heart-Broken
Valentine’s Day can be especially difficult after a recent heartbreak. The spirit of love and romance seems to be everywhere. Couples holding hands and celebrating can be painful and seemingly inescapable reminders of the end of a relationship with the far-reaching platform of social media.
Though break-ups take time and it is normal to feel this way, we hope to help you get through and even enjoy Valentine’s Day in the wake of a recent heart-break with these tips!
Take a break from social media. Try to avoid looking at other people’s Valentine’s Day posts, as they can be difficult reminders of your past relationship.
Plan a day filled with things that make you happy! Plan to make or order your favorite food, invite over some friends, go on a nature walk, or have a movie marathon.
Treat yourself! Indulge in a day of self-care with activities that you enjoy.
Celebrate Galentine’s Day with your friends! A great way to keep your mind off of your break-up is to surround yourself with a support system and enjoy a day where you can celebrate friendship.
Surround yourself with family and/or friends and practice gratitude for the people you care about!
Practice gratitude and reflect on the people, places, and things in your life that you appreciate.
We hope that this guide has helped you plan a day that you can enjoy and celebrate!
We hope that our earlier tips helped you connect with your partner in small, but intentional ways this week. Today, we’re sharing a couple more tips to help you continue to strengthen your relationship with small, but meaningful gestures.
Relive a happy or funny memory that the both of you shared. The more details you can both contribute, the more connected you will feel. Asking each other questions to relive what they remember or what stands out to them will help you see that memory through their eyes. Do this often!
Give a random and intentional hug. Adults can sometimes underestimate the power of a hug. It can boost our mood, help us feel supported, and ease our stress. GIve your partner a random hug. Make it intentional by sitting in it for a little and saying something kind to them. We guarantee that the both of you will walk away smiling!
Healthy and happy relationships take hard work and intentionality. Taking the time to reconnect with your partner each day will help you keep your relationship strong and ready to encounter what life may bring.
We know that in the chaos of daily life, our romantic relationships are the ones that suffer the most. Taking the time to bond or connect with your partner can seem nearly impossible when the to-do list never ends. However, it is crucial to take the time to connect with your partner or spouse on a daily basis. Making it a point to connect each day will help to strengthen the relationship over time and will help the both of you overcome issues or work through conflicts.
This week, we are sharing some helpful tips to help you connect with your partner in an intentional way each day.
Don’t let the day go by without touching your partner. A physical touch as simple as holding their hand or touching their arm can help increase connection and moments of intimacy.
Express gratitude for the little things. Anything that your partner does to make your day better or smoother is something that you should aim to say thank you for or to express gratitude in some way. Doing so will help them feel recognized and appreciated.
Stay tuned for more tips on how to reconnect with your partner in small ways each day!
“Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.¨ — Margaret Mead
Sibling relationships are the first and perhaps most meaningful relationship of a person’s life. Today, we’re sharing this free HRI resource, developed in partnership with Bringing Out the Best to help parents help their children strengthen the bond with their sibling or siblings.
We’re halfway through the summer and plenty of families are enjoying the time by spending it together. Parents know that this often means conflict amongst siblings, stressed parents, and plenty of opportunities for miscommunication.
HRI is here to help you maximize your family this summer by having realistic expectations, practicing good communication, and using conflict resolution skills.
It’s been said that falling in love is easy…staying in love is the hard part. If you’re in a long-term committed relationship, then you can relate to the saying!
